My poor friend

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-10650160
Did you see that article?

It was my friend Simon. Poor thing, he was the most clever badger I knew.
I cannot believe he met a metal death. Those nasty machines. Why don't they change the speed limits?

I am so pleased that out of respect for him those kind workmen did not paint over him. That says a lot about the human race. I am pleased and honoured to be a friend of men.

Badgers in the World Cup

I bet you didn't know my friend was playing in The World Cup! His real name is Schnorbitz but he has donned a human suit and is playing for real. Sadly, his hair has let him down on this occasion and it turns out he has been spotted by the Badgerazzi. Poor Schnor.

On the footballing front, aren't Germany doing well. My friend (who is a skunk) is following Germany very closely. As he said - "All Germans smell, that's why I identify with them".

I am not sure whether they will beat Spain. As my skunk friend said "The Spanish are slippery fuckers". Apologies for his crudeness but skunks can be like that.

So, on to my home country. Where did it go wrong?

Well, let's consider it. John Terry has a babe for a wife. Why on earth did he put it about elsewhere? Silly man. Poor decision-making. That explains Germany running rings around him.

Ashley Cole? Fool.

Rooney, poor Rooney, had the weight of the world on his shoulders and couldn't handle it. No surprise there.

And several others just didn't bother.

Cut their salaries, give a load to pay off the national debt and look to more gracious sports for the lessons.

The Big Old Dragon should have them for breakfast.

Better scurry, the Librarian is coming. See you soon.

More volcanoes

It seems I may have been a bit premature with the volcano comment. I managed to hitch a ride to Bermuda in April and I have only just returned. You would not believe how many wasps I encountered on the journey. It was all rather tasty but it just took so long. I had to get a ship from Bermuda to Tristan da Cunha, stow on a banana boat to Cape Town, a lorry to Kenya, a motorbike to Morocco then a gypsy caravan from Gibraltar to Calais. Then I hitched on another boat and then the train to RTW. The only time to transport didn't run on time was the Dover top Tonbridge stretch.

How can it be that a poor Badger can travel half way around the World with no problem but then I get stuck in England. What a joke!

I come back and find our what. Broc Clegg and Dodgy Cameroon have taken over the master Sett. Poor old Gobdog Broon didn't make it. Ho hum.

Still, it was a nice break and now I'm going to get back to work. The roof is dripping, some fox stole one of my pups so I need to track him down and there's rumour that The Big Old Dragon might return this summer. We'll have to see.

Finally, I heard that the Genius from PMS is on the Prowl. I'd better look out!

Volcanic bullshit

Of course, volcanoes come and go. But we've been living with them for years. Fucking volcanoes. Tossers.

The Badger is Back

Wow, what a two month period.

I got caught by a massive wasp whilst I was out foraging and I have been on the run. What a nightmare.

I jumped on a plane and ended up in Singapore. They don't like Badgers there! Somebody caught me and tried to cook me. What's that all about?

So I managed to get on Alan Air flight to KL. Had a good time there. Met a worm who is 700 years old - almost as old as Yoda!

Then, when tired of KL, I managed to boat and train all the way to Russia. It was cold but that snap of cold weather prepared me for it.

So, now I am back in RTW, and I am just in time for some eggs. I saw the Easter Bunny yesterday, she said that this year is a good one for storage of chocolate. Still a shame about the Cadbury's / Kraft thing but that's life. I was talking to some skunks in Russia about it - they didn't give a shit. Chocolate is chocolate as far as they're concerned. Boy, did they stink?

Anyway, now I'm back. I need to see a few Badgers and see a Badger about a dog, but I'll be back on after Easter. I might pop to see an old Broc in Paris, but let's see.

It's great to be back - have a badger filled Easter!

Wireless

I have managed to sneak back onto one of those high speed things. It's great. I was rummaging under somebodys seat and I have now managed to smuggle some of his sandwich crumbs away.

Now he's gone to the toilet so I have dived into to quickly blog here. Now I'm nosing away, what do I say?

I will just tell you what I can see.

There is a fat bloke in front of me with a silly tie that looks like it was bought in the 80's. There is another bloke beside me who is talking incessantly into his phone.

Oh no, here come the conductor...better hide...

Up North

How is it the song goes? If you go to Bolton, if you go to Manchester or Crewe? Something like that.

Well, I smuggled myself onto a Virgin train today and I am in Manchester. It's bloody snowing. I come here to escape the shitty Southern weather only to be out of the frying pan into a very big fire. How very annoying. Still, that's what you get when you come up North.

Why is it that in such a small country you can get this disparity of temperatures? Global warming? Plate shifts? I don't know. I leave things like that for cleverer badgers to work out.

Still, back to Manchester. I can't understand half of the Badgers up here. They all have funny voices. Why is that? Again, same question. Small question, too many regional accents.

Why is life so complicated?

Oh well, back to the song.

Northern Badgers, crazy useless things who smell of burgers and if you have too much to drink...