Badgers in the World Cup

I bet you didn't know my friend was playing in The World Cup! His real name is Schnorbitz but he has donned a human suit and is playing for real. Sadly, his hair has let him down on this occasion and it turns out he has been spotted by the Badgerazzi. Poor Schnor.

On the footballing front, aren't Germany doing well. My friend (who is a skunk) is following Germany very closely. As he said - "All Germans smell, that's why I identify with them".

I am not sure whether they will beat Spain. As my skunk friend said "The Spanish are slippery fuckers". Apologies for his crudeness but skunks can be like that.

So, on to my home country. Where did it go wrong?

Well, let's consider it. John Terry has a babe for a wife. Why on earth did he put it about elsewhere? Silly man. Poor decision-making. That explains Germany running rings around him.

Ashley Cole? Fool.

Rooney, poor Rooney, had the weight of the world on his shoulders and couldn't handle it. No surprise there.

And several others just didn't bother.

Cut their salaries, give a load to pay off the national debt and look to more gracious sports for the lessons.

The Big Old Dragon should have them for breakfast.

Better scurry, the Librarian is coming. See you soon.

Snow Badger

Well, I crept out this morning and what did I see? Miles and miles and miles of snow. Wonderful. I saw some cubs playing, throwing snowballs, making SnowBadgers, it's lovely when it snows.

The annoying thing is - how am I supposed to find worms? Worms, as you know, are a badgers staple. Still, I suppose it means that a few worms will live to tell their tale another day. A lot of people think worms are stupid but they're not. Worms are one of the brightest, virus-carrying creatures I know. If you find yourself down a rabbit burrow and you're confronted by 1000 worms you'd be a better badger than me if you managed to escape. My old sergeant - Sarge Broc - said to me "There is nothing as intimidating as a can of angry worms". Those words of stayed with me.

Still, the snow is soft on my limp paw and the cold brings down the swelling. Mrs Badger thinks I'm crazy when I'm pottering around outside but it's for the best. Who knows when the snow will go? I've got to get all the Nuts I can and any stray hedgehogs. The mashed potato won't live forever. Plus there's the stranded baby badgers to think about, somebody has to save them.

I wonder how Russ the Dragon is doing? I hope he's managed to jump above the snow and is enjoying himself as much as I am.

Enjoy the snow my friends but, remember, if you see a little stripe beneath the snow and it's not yellow be careful where you put your finger. It won't be my fault if I mistake them for worms.

Russ the Dragon

There I was down in the dumps feeling sorry for myself. Mrs Badger is upset because I've got to rest up for 6 weeks. I was wondering what to do when I heard a scraping outside the Sett.

Luckily my friend Russ the Dragon was at the door to see me. Now, Russ is a complex dragon. Most dragons are complex but Russ is most complex than most. For a start, he runs a little business where he rents out properties all over the World to other Dragons (and some other creatures but Dragons are his speciality). Not just any old properties, these are special ones. Like the White Clouds of Groombridge, and the Dark Covens of Washington. In fact I think Russ was the first dragon to arrange a visit to the ruins of Dragalot, where that old git George slayed The Big Old Dragon, one of the Dragon heroes.

Aside from his business ventures Russ is very good at jumping - you can see what I mean by his photo. I don't know where he gets his talent from but he can jump as high as a horse. One day he jumped so high that they say his hair got wet from the rainclouds. Now, I don't know whether that's true or not but today he jumped all the way to the top of the Acorn tree to get me some nuts that hadn't been swiped by the Squirrels.

So Russ and I roasted the nuts on the fire and Russ sang one of his favourite Dragon songs - Squirrel Nuts roasting on a Badgers Fire. It was very festive and very seasonal.

Then Russ did the funniest thing. I turned my back and he was gone. Just like that. It was almost as though he was uncomfortable with what I'd said. I had just started to ask him about the rumours of the reappearance of The Big Old Dragon (who is said to smell so bad you can sense he is near as soon as he sets foot in the Kingdom) when he was off. I looked up to see where he'd jumped to but not a sign. I never put Russ down as scared of The Big Old Dragon but maybe he is. Or maybe he's on his side. I'll find out soon I guess.

The nuts made me feel better. I'll have a kip now.

Remember, my friends, if you see a pink jumping swoosh the chances are it is Russ the Dragon. And if you do see him, tell him to come back and see me. Thank you.