Chocolates?

What is it about American Badgers? Why do they think they can come over here and steal our chocolate?

I have been eating Cadbury chocolate for years. And my Dad ate it before me. And my Grand-dad before him. In fact, we can trace eating Cadbury chocolate all the way back to old Broc. Even the Big Old Dragon is said to have eaten it.

AND NOW WHAT?

No longer will it be made with the cream of those dirty hills of Birmingham and Bristol (why do they both start with B?) and the sneaky Cacoa beans imported by Willy Wonka.

NO!!

Now it will be made with that crappy stuff from USA. They will ruin it. What will my cubs eat? Will they carry on this family tradition of eating Cadbury or will they go on just eating British. So our own family history will be all about eating British Chocolate rather than Cadbury specifically.

Now, the interesting thing about my cubs is that they will judge it on taste, as youth can do. They won't care a jot what I ate or old Broc ate, they will judge it solely on what tastes good. They'll judge it on texture, crunch, subtlety, bubbles, probably packaging, perhaps what's easiest to sneak from the shops.

So what does all this mean? Well, apart from personally being sad about it I fear it is another mark of the destruction of our communities in the quest for domination. Some call if globalisation. I call it rain forest crushing, caterpillar removal and nasty.

Of course, my sett is about as far removed from Cadbury as possible. Or is it?

Miserable Badger

I just read that this weekend is the most miserable weekend of the year. So I took this photo of someone I saw in the street to prove it.

But what is it with all of these bullshit statistics that say people are more miserable one day over another for this reason and this and that? Was it Vic Reeves who did the 78% of statistics are made up on the spot? What a joke.

In the Badger world this weekend is one of the best weekends ever because it is a day when we all head down to Dover and invade one of the major potato-importing ships. It's a very popular day because we can then have a massive potato party. And you know what happens when you get lots of potatoes together and lots of Badgers - mayhem!

The only time we have to be wary is when the bloody Big Old Dragon comes. That's when all of us with lame paws will have to work doubly hard to avoid him. Last year he came along and breathed fire at us all - only to inadvertently provide us with baked potatoes. It turned out to be one of the best meals we'd had! Silly dragon.

Anyway, in the meantime, beware the potato-wielding Badger!

Climate Change

Well, I don't know whether you put it down to climate change but the most bizarre thing happened to me last night.

I was plodding along on the way back to my sett to see Mrs Badger. I've still got a slight limp due to the paw (http://badgersview.blogspot.com/2009/12/well-what-funny-old-day.html). I hadn't had any sherbet so what I am about to say is real.

All of a sudden a massive blue box turned up and out popped some ponce in a suit.

"Come this way Wilf" he said to me.
"How do you know my name?" I said.
"I know everything Wilf, I am a Time Lord" he said.
"Well, I don't know about you but I've got to get home or Mrs Badger will have my Badger nuts and throw them on the fire".
"Don't worry, once we've had the most amazing experience of your short Badger life I will return you here at this exact moment in time."

Well, that did it for me. And, boy, did we have some adventures!

I saw the Birth of The Big Old Dragon (http://badgersview.blogspot.com/2009/12/big-old-dragon.html), walked through the trenches of the Great Badger War (my Uncle Broc died there) and saw things that would turn your hair white.

I will tell you about them some time.

And, the Time Lord even returned me home in time. I couldn't take the smile off my face. Mrs Badger thought I'd been on the Pernod again - little does she know! Ha.

Remember, if you see a blue box, don't ignore it. Climb into it and see where it takes you.

Badger on the Razz

Well, there's a new one. I just drank a bottle of Pernod. Ever tried it?

Blimey, a bottle of that down and I was anyones! Who'd have thought it?

I recommend it but make sure you've got plenty of water on tap. Very tough.

Mrs Badger has been out for the day. I don't think she's going to be very pleased when she gets home. Oh dear.

Beware the randomly intoxicated badger.

Guest post - this does it for me

http://usuallyconfined.blogspot.com/2010/01/badger-got-it-right.html

Business Banking

Business banking? How confusing? It's probably just as confusing to set up a current account but I haven't done it for over 15 years.

Firstly, who do you choose? There are so many different expressions, features, benefits, jargon, competitive references, special offers, 2010 offers - most of doesn't really mean anything to me. I'm looking for something which gives me a bank account that I can use on the internet. 20 quid cashback, free wasps, free card for your Mrs Badger - What on earth as I supposed to do??????

I have worked in Badger branding for years and it's rare that I get to be a new entrant to any market. Now I'm setting up 4 not-for-profit ventures and so I am truly getting to learn things for the first time again. And, how did I choose?

Here's what happened.

I asked 4 banks for more details.

Very arbitrarily.

I didn't go with 1 bank because their form was formatted poorly, inconsistently and looked very unattractive.

I went with the first bank who called me and offered to take me through the form over the telephone. Now, that's what a badger wants.

Not complicated. Is it?

Beware an angry Badger.

New Year!

Well, hello there my friendly Badger followers.

What New Years resolutions have you made?

Well, I have decided to change my diet. I am going to try and eat less wasps (painful going out the other side) and befriend hedgehogs, instead of eating them. Of course, wasps are tasty so maybe I will carry on eating them. I suppose it's a little like humans and Tabasco, it's nice at the time and then it hurts later. Perhaps if I was an Indian Badger things would be a little easier?

So, 2010 is a year of opportunity. I might start my own Badger business venture. But what would I do? Any businesses out there want some friendly Badger independent consulting?